Have you ever felt as if nothing was in your control? Today I released all control aspects and allowed my emotions to take the place of my prior intentions. I attended another counseling appointment however, my father accompanied me for the first time.
Today was the first day where I sat down with my father and we discussed our feelings. There wasn't day to day discussion, simply exploring an understanding of our feelings. To be honest it was the hardest task that I have ever completed. Looking someone in eyes and expressing the pain that they have caused in your life. It was a tragic fear that I never wanted to come face to face with. I didn't want to cause more damage than there already was. I never thought I had the courage to tell my dad everything that I have been feeling. I overcame that fear today.
If you closed your eyes does it feel as if nothing changed at all? Everytime I try to meditate and ease the stress of my life away, nothing changes. I still see my life before me breaking away. After discussing everything at our counseling appointment, I didn't know how to release all of my wondering thoughts and emotions. I grabbed several candles placed them on the counter, played music that perceived a correlation to my ongoing emotions, lit the candles one by one, turned off the eye throbbing lights and started the shower.
I stood there feeling the water drip down my face. I then let out everything, crying was my only escape. After I regathered myself, I stood there with my eyes closed, concentrating on the warm water splashing against my flesh and the lyrics to the current song, I soon thought of nothing. I felt a sense of safety. I imagined myself in a place where no body can find me, a place where pain was eliminated. 10 minutes later I felt at peace with my mind. Meditation helped me to ease my emotions and control wondering distractions.
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